My lady in surf ki chamakti safedi waale clothes

I am 22 and single. If this wasn't embarrassing enough my skills, so to speak, with the fairer sex are well to put it as gently as I can, PATHETIC. Now considering the hot shot friends I have I always think that why haven't I picked up any of the smoothness from them, why is it that they are able to get dates so easily while I have been sitting on a duck.And have I been able to find out a solution to that query, well the answer is a big NO or maybe it is a big YES. I will let the audience decide. Anyways the facts that I was able to conjure after thinking long and hard about this thing i.e.10 min were that god has made me a brother to most of the women that are available. This I say simply because of my history because in class 5th and 6th more than 20 women each year tied a Rakhi around my hand. Some might say this happens to everyone when they are kids but does this happen to everyone when they are 16 and if I might say at the peak of their horniness(Ladies sorry for my crude language, maaf karna apne "bhai" ko). At the age of 16 a girl came and tied a Rakhi on my hand, the only person that year in school with this dubious distinction. I still fail to get 6 years after the incident what she was trying to do considering that with my physical prowess I wont be able to protect her from a 7th class child. Infact 99 out of 100 times she will have to come and save her dear bhaiya. But anyways moving away from the past and coming to the present, in college I encountered the same problem, though I would clearly like to state that this was more of a blessing considering the ladies who were single and ready to mingle. Anyways my MA english class was the only place where I felt that I had finally gotten rid of the bhaiya syndrome. But now in my present course it seems to have come back to haunt me. Now at the start of this post I mentioned that God has turned me into a bhaiya ji for women insted of Sri Krishna of the gopis,how ironic considering my name means Kamadeva, but recently persons belonging to the fairer sex and of the caveman gender have both told me that it isn't god but me who has turned myself into a bhaiya for girls and that I have "potential"(the ladies words, not mine) but I needed to get rid of my sharafat and turn into a bit of a "dangerous' fellow(the caveman's suggestion). Now I would love to be dangerous but the only problem is that I do not exactly know what dangerous is.( If anyone wants to help me out then please leave a comment). The female's suggestion was that I needed to be more confident and more attentive, now these are two of the things which I haven't been able to master and I doubt it if I ever will. So to end I would say that if the world wants to save me from the ignominy of dying single then it should send me a lady in surf ki chamakti safedi waale clothes to whisk me away. I hope the world is listening.

Workshop

As the person who looked like a quadruped talked we were bored out of our senses. His voice was like a sleep inducing drug, slowly but surely leading me into the arms of Morpheus. Me and my friend tried to pair up the young men and women of our class, deriving sadistic pleasure out of it, to keep ourselves awake and to get some juice into our drab lives. His lecture on "spreadsheets" was the most boring workshop topic ever. Here I was sitting in this workshop wasting my time while my mind thought "Oh my god! How will I ever clear my first semester exams." My life which you can't say encompasses a lot has come to a standstill and this workshop may be the tipping point that my mind id waiting for. I have always thought that I was always on the brink of losing my sanity and maybe by writing my monologue I might just have reached the point of no return.

Some of my thoughts during the workshop today.